Thank you
You were supposed to be the one who accepted me for who I was, but I still changed anything about myself that didn’t completely suit you. Before you, I always sought out validation from guys because I never felt good enough. When I actually fell in love with you, it was like that part of my life was erased because you saw me as perfect. But over time you changed. God was no longer the influencer in your life. You were. You controlled everything and everyone, including me. I found myself seeking out that validation again, that acceptance, when I thought that part of my life was over. I tried so desperately to get it, but this time only from you. I received it over and over again, but this is because I had also lost it. Over and over and over again. When we fell apart because of what you did, that validation left me again. This time it didn’t come back.
But thank you. Thank you for leaving me with nothing, because it forced me to turn to the One who gives me everything. The One that does change me, but into a better version of myself. The One that doesn’t dwell on my flaws. The One that instead reminds me of my worth every day. Thank you for killing me so that He could raise me from the dead. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
The Lord challenges us to suffer persecutions and to confess him. He wants those who belong to him to be brave and fearless. He himself shows how weakness of the flesh is overcome by courage of the Spirit. This is the testimony of the apostles and in particular of the representative, administrating Spirit. A Christian is fearless.
Still in Kansas City. My family friends Howard and Vickie left their house to us because they went on vacation so we get to stay here an extra day before the hotel. Teared up a bit when they left. It was so good seeing them. And two close friends of mine got engaged here! I’d say so far it’s been a pretty good trip! God is good.
And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.
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The Perks of Being a Wallflower
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Kansas City, Missouri. Seeing family friends.
When there’s a burning in your heart;
An endless yearning in your heart;
Build it bigger than the sun,
Let it grow, let it grow.
I realize…
I realize that I suck at keeping a blog, no matter what it is. I never could keep a Xanga, LiveJournal, Posterous, whatever the hip blog is. But I will not give up on this Tumblr! And I will eventually post my magazine articles that are worth reading, promise!
Summer days. Perfect weather. Love it.
I’m going to be posting my first magazine article here soon. I want to get some feedback on it from my professor first before I let every mean person on the Internet criticize it. I’m also going to change the names of the people I interviewed just because this would be making it public, and although that’s not the same as it being published in an actual magazine, this is not an article that is going to be published….. yet. I just don’t want to put anyone’s name out there that doesn’t want it out there, ya dig?
:)
